A bully is defined as someone who habitually seeks to harm or intimidate those whom they perceive as vulnerable.
1.Just hearing a compliment about yourself from someone else makes you cringe.
You shut down a positive statement and turn it to something negative instead. “You’re so kind” and respond with “Actually I’m really not, I can be petty mean to my husband”. You can be a kind person but occasionally be mean to your loved ones, it does not take away your good qualities that everyone else can see but you.
2.You don’t think good things should happen to you.
You don’t deserve that big job promotion even though you worked hard and are a great employee. When someone goes out of their way to do something nice for you or gets you a nice gift just because, you instantly feel like you need to owe them something in return, don’t accept the gift, or question why someone would do such a thing for you.
3.You say negative things towards yourself.
“I am so dumb”
“I hate how I am”
“Why cant I just be normal”
I am going to go ahead and dissect each of these thoughts (which are mine that i am using as an example), and quickly shut them down.
I am so dumb
I am guilty of over using the word dumb towards myself. Mostly me “joking” Such as forgetting my drink on top of my car and driving off my response would me “Omg! I am so dumb!” As I began to really dissect my thoughts I found most of them were negative and I really thought I was dumb. I would go over a conversation I had with someone piece by piece and give myself anxiety practically! “Why would I say that? They probably think I am so dumb” “I am dumb” and boy I tell yeah! The rocket blast off from their because suddenly that person hates me now and ill go on a hiatus of deleting them from my contacts. I am slightly embarrassed in sharing this but its how I operated. I decided calling myself dumb was thought that was not allowed to live rent free in my mind. Instead if I ask myself what is logical? Is my friend going to stop being my friend because i said something dumb? Aren’t I just taking credit from the fact that my friend is loving and proven many times she is loyal? Also don’t we all say goofy stuff from time to time?
I hate how I am
The roller coaster emotions, highs and lows, anger that shows up out of no where kind of like getting a unexpected visitor and your house is a disaster, child in nothing but a diaper, toys all over the place and you just were not ready to be a host but you just go with it anyway. After asking myself ”why am I like this?” enough times. Finally. It hit me! I saw the beauty of my emotions. I loved how God created me to be. Standing in front of my husband as we exchange our vows to one another, holding my beautiful baby girl for the first time after hours of labor. If it was not for my emotions I would not have felt well anything! I expressed joy, happiness in those moments. I will always remember how I felt in those moments and have so much gratitude for my emotions that allowed me to love so strongly, and have so much joy. There is goodness in emotions.
Why cant I be normal?
When I a friend asked me “Why can’t I just be normal?” that’s when it hit me. What is normal? EVERYONE has their own messes. EVERYONE carries baggage. EVERYONE struggles with different things. No one is normal. A normal person does not exist. I am not even sure where the idea of “normal” came from. There’s this huge invisible expectation that we set for ourselves and then kick ourselves in the face when that expectation that we created for ourselves was not met. It is just a lot of pressure for something that’s not real. On the other hand here I am. Soaking in my own envy as I watch other people(mostly on social media) live their normal happy lives, and don’t have to struggle with a mental illness (but do I really know that?)
5.You don’t give yourself enough credit.
Imagine you are going into a burning building to rescue someone. You both get out safely, and in the middle of that person showing their gratitude for SAVING their lives, you don’t even let them finish! You interrupt them to say “sorry you wish you could have done more” as you stare at their home burning with all of their belongings turning into ash. Their response *confusion* You just saved their life but instead you are more focused on what you could have done but were unable to.
6.You are really hard on yourself.
You dwell on your mistakes and fail to see your accomplishments.
7.You find it hard to believe that people actually like you.
Questions like Why are you even my friend? Why are you married to me? Linger around in your head. Following with how much of a burden you are to those close to you. The answer is very very simple. Because you are loved. Even when you don’t feel like you deserve to be loved. What will you do with it? Accept it, or continue to push people that love you away? It honestly becomes up to you.
With Love, Priscilla.
Self Help/Mental Health Blog 